


Steel

by JaciSerigala



Series: Edens Zero Drabbles [2]
Category: Edens Zero (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Family, Fear, Fear Of Connection, Forgiveness, Friendship, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 16:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17287175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaciSerigala/pseuds/JaciSerigala
Summary: (v.) mentally prepare (oneself) to do or face something difficult.





	Steel

He couldn’t meet their eyes as he staggered back towards the ship, though he knew that they were watching him, it was why the vessel hadn’t taken off. But he still stubbornly kept his eyes trained on the ground, as he pressed his mouth into a thin line. There wasn’t anything he could do to make this better, every time he opened his mouth, he just dug his grave deeper. He clenched his fists and forced them to stay at his sides instead of hugging himself and shying away from the crew that he was slowly approaching.

He couldn’t bring himself to look up and see the disappointment that he knew was there. He couldn’t. Because he was so scared about what else he might see if he looked up, the reason that he had pulled this stunt in the first place.

What had he been thinking trying to jump ship and go with those pirates as soon as they arrived? Why did he think that pirates were a better alternative to idiots? Because they had his heart. They were somewhere in the muscle that he had locked away for years and years, yet somehow they got past the defences and now they were there to stay. He did care for them, he wanted to keep those smiles in tact, but God had he royally fucked that up. A grimace passed over his face as he made the last few steps of his walk of shame back to the team. He had been so scared about them leaving him, and what that would do to him, that he had been looking for an excuse to get out before they had the chance. 

It’s why he almost betrayed them all those weeks ago when they fled Norma and were caught in the Skull Fairy’s tractor beam. It was why he had done all the awful things to them since he had joined their crew.

He came to such an abrupt stop that he tripped over his own feet and gave a pitiful little stumble. Swallowing thickly as he felt his stomach churning, threatening to rise up, as he found that he couldn’t walk any further. The team was only meters away, the people that his heart had dared to call family, the people who could tear him apart or build him up. 

He was too scared of the former being realised that he couldn’t let himself even give the latter a chance. He knew they were good people, Shiki was too innocent to turn his back on someone who he thought was a friend, Rebecca had the eyes of someone who knew pain but still had the capacity to understand and love, Happy and Pino and Sister and even Homura! They were all noble people, that was why they were waiting for him at the entrance of the ship, waiting to see if he would come home or leave them forever. But the problem wasn’t that they were good people, it was that he wasn’t.

He was a thief, he betrayed for a living, he fought to survive, to just be able to wake up the next day and say that he was free. Even if it was a lie. And somewhere along the way, his soul had been tainted. He didn’t look up at them, too scared to see love behind the disappointment, but even more so of the hatred that might be where love once was.

He thought he was going to be sick. And it made him want to curl into a ball and cry until he couldn’t feel this devouring guilt anymore. But he steeled himself, and his eyes remained dry, though his throat began to burn.

“Do you think we’ll just accept you with open arms?” Homura’s voice cut cold, as cold as her blades were. He only barely swallowed the grimace. “After what you’ve done.” She sneered. He didn’t reply.

“You hurt us.” Rebecca followed up. “Sister was nearly killed because of you.” Her voice wasn’t hostile, just accusatory and saddened. He had put that tone there. He still didn’t reply.

“Mr. Weisz… do… do we really mean so little to you?” That was Pino.

There was a quiet sigh as footsteps approached him, and his gut screamed at him to run, to not let them touch him, to protect. But he couldn’t move. As Shiki approached, he had never felt so small.

“What are you so afraid of?” Shiki asked, his voice quiet, when it should be yelling and cursing at him. He had betrayed them. Willingly. There should be no forgiveness in his voice. But there was and there was nothing Weisz could do to hide the way he hunched his shoulders.

He opened his mouth but was cut off.

“You’re our friend, right?” The ebony-haired teen cut in. Evidently his arms were crossed as he was trying to understand Weisz, but he couldn’t be sure, as he couldn’t dredge his gaze up from a point to the right of Shiki. “These last few weeks, they can’t be a lie. I don’t know much about you, but I do know about friendship. And even though you tried to hide it, I saw… I saw. You… you…” He sighed, seemingly cutting Weisz some slack as he didn’t force the blond to admit that he cared. “So why?”

He opened his mouth and a weary, pained whine worked its way out of him, and he wanted to hide again. He was being so pathetic in front of these idiots. He had to shove these emotions away before they left him exposed. He couldn’t be exposed. Because that’s when they would leave, and that’s when it would hurt.

“I… I don’t know…” He breathed.

“That’s not good enough.” Shiki rejected. “Try again.”

“I… I really don’t, though…” He frowned.

“You do, though.” Shiki pressed on, he wasn’t backing down, but there was something gentling in him, and Weisz wanted to yell, to make them fear him, so that he wouldn’t have to do this, so that he didn’t have to feel anything gentle or undeserved.

“I… I can’t…” He tried, fruitlessly.

“You need to or you can’t come with us.” Homura warned, as she and the others followed Shiki’s lead. That got a reaction, as he flinched inwardly.

“Why did you leave us to die?” Rebecca asked.

“What are you so afraid of Weisz?” Shiki whispered, drawing out another flinch. 'No… no don’t say my name… please, please you can’t… you can’t care about me…' Despite his trembling frame and quivering lips, he finally looked up at them, as he finally found his answer.

“Y-you.” He breathed. “I’m scared of you.”

The crew came loose as something like pity entered the many pairs of eyes watching him, and it cut him like a burning knife. He didn’t want pity, he didn’t deserve any kindness. Didn’t they understand that he was a traitor? The girls clearly did, but he wasn’t sure about Shiki.

“You’re too good, you’re too kind.” He continued, though he wasn’t sure why he was still speaking, but now he couldn’t stop. “That… that isn’t me… I’m not kind. I don’t put others first. I don’t save people just because it’s right. I don’t do friends. I’m not… I can’t be one of you.”

“Then what has this all been?” Shiki asked, his eyes were beginning to lose there vigour.

“I… I don’t know…” He shook his head uselessly. “Something temporary… I- I think…”

“You think?” Rebecca scoffed.

“And what do you want from us?” Homura cut in front of Rebecca’s words, and Weisz felt his throat go dry.

“Nothing.” He murmured, as his gaze fell away from their faces again. “I don’t want anything.” He was too scared to open up his heart again.

“If that’s the case, is this where we part ways?” Homura asked, her voice taking on a sad quality. “Because you’re either with us or not. We can’t have traitors on our ship.”

God, Weisz didn’t want it to be.

He was in limbo, half way between wanting to stay and half between wanting to run away as he always did.

“Or do you want to try again?” Shiki followed up, receiving sharp gasps from the girls as he extended out a metaphorical olive branch.

“I… I…”

“Don’t say that you don’t know.” Shiki interrupted quietly. “This isn’t about thinking. What do you want, Weisz?”

Trembling, Weisz felt the tears coming, though he still fought them back as much as he could.

“You.” He whispered. 

And somehow that was all that took for the tension in Shiki to drain away, the change in mood was jarring, as that signature smile slipped into place. Or that’s what it looked like from Weisz’s periphery. Shiki stepped closer and Weisz startled when gentle fingers took his jaw and guided them upwards so that their gazes met.

“Then let’s go. We got a distress call whilst we were waiting for you. Are you coming?”

This still wasn’t right. There was still so much danger and Weisz was so scared. Why was he walking forwards as Shiki threw an arm around his shoulders? Why were they smiling at him?

But against his better judgement, Weisz sighed in relief as he steeled himself some more as he realised that today wasn’t the day that they parted.

**Author's Note:**

> This work was written before Edens Zero Chapter 26


End file.
